I live a few steps away from the Bronx Zoo — actually it’s four blocks from me but if you like to skip like I do that counts as steps — ‘makes total sense to have a dog, and I also recently acquired a girl cat — because I needed something pretty to post up on Instagram — I hear cat PICs are huge on there, and plus she catches any mice that try to come by) —

‘remember I live near a Zoo (when in Rome, you pack the farm with animals).

I named my dog Kaye-Kaye and most days we enjoy our nights alone with him on my lap while I’m doing computer stuff like scrolling through important penis enlargement emails & sipping my warm spicy Chai tea — because I’m a little fancy.

Last night the dog was on my lap and shaking — I knew it would be soon time to go outside…

but, I waited a bit, and that dumb dog peed on my pajamas while on my lap — I know what you’re thinking, hey aren’t you mad?

No, the opposite…we had this eerily-loving-post-pee-bonding-moment-of-zen — I cleaned up the mess and hugged that dumb dog.

You haven’t fully lived until your dog pees on you while sitting on your lap — note to self: tweet that —

here’s a snowy video of what a normal pee time consists of

* Follow me on Twitter @HenryCruz101